Metro City Airport 
Loses Suitcase Nuke 
staff reporter Jasper Quirk 

Noted super villain, Doctor Barium, attempted to menace a 10 city-block area this morning with a suitcase bomb. Barium was thwarted when he discovered that the airport accidentally lost his weapons-grade luggage system. 

Metro Airport baggage handler, Floyd Greeson, unwittingly redirected the bag to somewhere unimportant in France. Greeson was hailed a hero for his slow thinking and complete inattention to detail. As the mayor handed Greeson the key to the city, Greeson said, "I'm not in trouble or anything, right?" 

Though foiled, Barium's spectacular atomo-powered backpack carried him up and over a quarter mile before suffering mechanical failure, dropping him into a very tall tree. The reasons for the failure are unclear, although Barium suggested it was "too fine an operation for your puny minds to comprehend." 

Barium was arrested and charged with intent to menace and would-be hooliganism. With no evidence, police released him several hours later. 

"It's just. look, it's just been one of those days, all right?" Barium said later in an interview at the Metro City bus station. "I'm going to have to go back to Skull Castle and work on this." Barium swore that from that day forward, he would fly only with villainous carry-ons. In addition, he vowed revenge on Metro City and resident super hero, Bottle Rocket. 

When asked for comment, Bottle Rocket was attempting to open his garage door. He said, "Wait now, what happened?"